


Goodbye’s Are The Hardest

by kayyleix



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Nat is stubborn, Sacrifice, relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 18:11:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18722284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayyleix/pseuds/kayyleix
Summary: Bucky is going into cryo, which means his memory will be wiped. He and Natalia have one last night together.





	Goodbye’s Are The Hardest

**Author's Note:**

> I love BuckyNat sm! I hope we get some sort of mention of a relationship between them in the Red Room in the upcoming Black Widow movie. 
> 
> Any and all comments appreciated!

Slightly bloody and fighting the urge to jump onto the bed, James ‘Bucky’ Barnes and Natalia Romanova stumbled into their hotel room. After a quick text to Management, confirming the mission’s success, Bucky’s harsh exterior turned soft. He turned to his partner in crime, his Natalia, who was looking up at him with uncensored intensity and dipped his head, placing a short, sweet kiss on her lips. 

“Shower?” His voice was deep, raw from screaming. 

The mission had been a particularly trying one, and he couldn’t wait to wash it off. 

In the shower, Natalia scrubbed Bucky clean of all the dried blood, while his hands playfully roamed her naked state. When they were both clean, Natalia traced the scars on Bucky’s body, and in turn he kissed the bruise that was undoubtably forming on her arm. When Natalia got to the scarring that led to his metal arm, he sucked in a breath, never quite getting used to the sensation. Weary of this, Natalia went slow, taking her time to lazily draw her finger up and down the cool metal and when she was done, placed a light kiss on it. Then, his lips. 

Natalia was towelling her hair, when Bucky, who was laying in nothing but his underwear, on the bed spoke. 

“When we go back tomorrow, I’m in cryo again,” 

He needn’t say more. Natalia put the towel down and climbed into bed with him, laying her head on his chest like they had done so many times before.

“Oh James,” was all she could muster for a while, and the pair sat there, wallowing in what it meant.

“We could run away. Go somewhere hotter than Russia,” 

At that, Bucky snorted. Natalia laughed too.

“I’m serious though. Let’s leave it all behind,” 

Bucky only shook his head. 

“We’ll be on the run for the rest of our lives. The two top assassins falling off the face of the Earth. That won’t do,”

“Fuck Them,” she said, boldly, her voice full of venom.

“I’ll destroy them for what they’ve done to you. To us,” 

In response, Bucky kissed her forehead, smiling into her hair, sadly.

“I know you will,” 

Bucky held Natalia tighter than he had ever before. He committed her scent to memory, engrained the way she would laugh into his mind, branded the curve of her face on his brain. He considered that the hell he had been through would have broken him if not for Natalia Romanova. 

Natalia could do a great many things, her skill set being what made her so dangerous, but she could not imagine her life without James Buchanan Barnes. So she held onto him like her life depended on it, because it did. 

There they lay, in the hotel room, and eventually Natalia’s breath evened out as if she was sleeping, but Bucky knew better. But he let minutes, then an hour go by, cherishing this intimate, peaceful and gorgeously uneventful moment. 

He let his mind drift, to what tomorrow would bring. Bucky could almost feel the excruciating pain at his temples and surging through his body. Almost feel the indescribable cold that would envelop him as he was put into cryo, only to come out to kill. Bucky’s stomach turned at the prospect of having everything he held dear ripped from him again, and everything that mattered to him was curled up in his arms right now. 

“Nat,” he said softly.

“Yeah?”

“I’m scared,”

Natalia’s heart broke. Broke for all that Bucky has to endure and would continue to endure. His small and vulnerable voice would replay in her head for eternity. She chanced a peak up at him, and Bucky looked tired. Truly tired. 

“I am too,” 

“Every time I go under it’s like I’m losing a piece of my soul. But this time I’d be losing more. I’d be losing you,” 

Natalia propped herself up on her elbow, now fully turned her body to face Bucky. He shuffled so now his body was also facing hers.

“You’ll never lose me. Even if I’m not in here,” she explained, her index finger tapping his forehead, “I’ll always be in here,” she finished, placing her palm flat on his heart. 

Bucky reached out and tucked a stray piece of hair behind Natalia’s ear, revelling in the warmness she radiated. 

“Who knew you were such a romantic?” He asked, a small smile playing on his lips.

“You did,” she answered, “you always saw past the monster they made me,” 

Moonlight shone through the hotel window, illuminating the pair as they lay. Natalia stared at Bucky, who’s features were so defined and handsome. She had never met a more handsome man. She had also never met a man that could make her smile as much as him, or be vulnerable as much as him. Just as Natalia chipped away at the Winter Solider, he chipped away at the Black Widow. Bucky couldn’t take his eyes of Natalia. In this light, she looked ethereal. He soaked up what it was like to simply exist in her presence, the profound peace that he felt in this moment unmatched. Bucky would do anything to preserve this. Preserve her happiness. 

“Tomorrow, don’t come with me,” 

“What?” Confusion written all over Natalia’s face.

“Tomorrow, I’ll go back to the Red Room and you will go anywhere else. I hear France is definitely hotter than Russia,” 

“James, stop it,”

“I’m serious,”

“You said it yourself, a top assassin falling off the face of the Earth won’t do,” 

“That’s because I’d slow you down. My head... it isn’t right. You have every opportunity to start a new life on your own,” 

“I won’t leave you,” 

“You won’t be leaving me. You’ll be leaving the Winter Solider,” 

“James-“

“Natalia, stop being stubborn for a second and do this for me. Please,” 

Natalia paused for a second, her eyebrows knitted together as she stirred in deep thought. 

“Okay,” came her reply, a few minutes later. 

“Okay,” he said, shuffling closer to her to rest his forehead on hers.

Natalia let out a sigh a defeat, and her mind whirled with the possibilities that lie before her. She was escaping her shackles, so close she could almost taste it. Leaving James behind turned the taste in her mouth bitter. A small voice in her head said that this was something she was doing for James and not to him. Once again, Natalia settled into Bucky’s chest and allowed herself to drift off to sleep, wanting to silence the conflict in her mind.

When she awoke, the warm presence under her was gone. She bolted upright and scanned the hotel room, only to find it empty. Natalia, jumped out of bed, still in only her underwear and just as she was about to call out Bucky’s name, the door of the bathroom swung open. 

Natalia’s heart was pounding so hard she could hear the blood in her ears, but upon seeing Bucky’s large frame step out the bathroom, she let out a breath she did not know she was holding. Bucky looked at her with concern, surveying her distraught face, and understanding crossed his eyes. 

“I would never leave without saying goodbye,” he said, and walked towards her, placing a kiss on her forehead.

Bucky pulled on his tactical gear, then laced up his boots. The silence was deafening as he zipped up his duffel bag and slid it onto his shoulder. By this time, Natalia had tied a robe around her, but still felt as exposed as ever. As if in sync, they both moved toward the door of the hotel room. 

Natalia’s stomach turned. Her eyes plead with him, begged him not to go. Bucky thought that if she kept that up he might just stay. But he couldn’t. They both knew that. 

“I love you,” he said, just a little above a whisper. 

It was the first time either of them had said that. The people that they worked for tried hard to erase love from both of their lives. Yet here they are. 

“Then don’t go,” it was meant to sound irrefutable, but Natalia couldn’t stop her voice from wavering. 

“I love you, Natalia Romanova. Please, just remember that,”

The unspoken part was ‘even if I don’t’. 

Bucky reached out to touch the handle of the door, when Natalia whispered his name. He spun around, and she crashed their lips together, a final goodbye. Just as soon as they broke apart, Bucky was out the door. 

The door closed with a click, and the sound seemed to awaken something in Natalia because she crumpled to the floor, the tears in her eyes spilling. She hugged her knees close to her chest and sobbed. Her James was gone. 

“I love you too,” she said.

She sobbed harder knowing that he would never hear it. 

When they kissed, Bucky felt a wave of emotion crash onto him. The overwhelming tsunami of anguish and love brought tears to his eyes, and he slipped out the door before Natalia could register them. Once he closed the door, he leant against it, sighing heavily as tears ran down his cheek. 

From inside the room, he heard Natalia cry and it broke his heart. He wanted so desperately to go back in, to comfort her, but it would be cruel to do that only to leave again. Then he heard her say she loved him. It rang in his ears like a mantra. It gave him the strength to push himself off the door and walk out of the hotel, to face what was to come. 

When they pushed him onto the chair, and lowered the device onto his head, all Bucky could think of was Natalia’s ‘I love you too’. 

——————————————————

When Natalia saw Bucky again, it was in Iran and he was the Winter Soldier and she was Natasha. His eyes were hardened and lifeless as he approached her and her client after running them off the road. She whispered his name, mostly to herself. The Winter Soldier shot her engineer right through her. Soviet rifle.

Natasha was in a hospital bed for two days, but all she could think about was how he seemed to look right through her. She decided it was both a gift and a curse to remember what they had, a lifetime ago, when they were two different people.


End file.
